ISSUE 02: Lifestyle | Living a Romantic, Rich and Embodied Life with Aiano Nakagawa of Queer Homemaking
Plus, Aiano talks about tending to grief, being a "Fancy Auntie", and more.
When I first came across Aiano Nakagawa (she/they) on TikTok, I knew they were my kind of person: Aiano’s TikTok video detailed them hosting a “Fishes and Loaves Jesus Feast” – but make it queer, pro-Palestinian liberation. Wearing a dazzling sky blue top with a keffiyeh draped effortlessly over her shoulders and an ethereal-looking headpiece, I knew I had to hit that follow button. Aiano’s account, @queer_homemaking is a tender dedication to all things homemaking, food, lifestyle, and hosting — all of which makes my Cancer sun + Taurus rising placements VERY happy. But as Aiano shared more about her life — friendships, her polyamory practice, love, grief, and activism, I was shown that in the messy and chaotic landscape of social media, Aiano’s approach to content felt like a warm, familiar hug, encouraging me hold the duality of the joy and sorrow that life shows us around every corner.
For Issue 02 of FLOAT + FLOW Magazine, I spoke with Aiano about being a Fancy Auntie, tending to grief, romanticizing and embodying the richness of life, and more. Plus, Aiano shares a yummy recipe to share with friends at the dinner table this Spring. 🍝
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
SYDNEY: Hi Aiano! So happy for us to chat. Let’s start off by dissecting “queer homemaking,” the name of your TikTok account. What does queer homemaking look and feel like to you and how do you define it?
AIANO: My name is Aiano and I practice the art of Queer Homemaking. To me, Queer Homemaking is an artistic, political, and spiritual practice vital to liberation-based work. Queer Homemaking includes how we create home(s) as a physical place, within our bodies, with community, connected to the land, and our ancestral lineages.
I am curious how to create spaces and opportunities for people to show up in their authenticity and fullness, how to cultivate trust that allows people to feel safe enough to let their guards down, imagine new possibilities, and embody that transformation in all facets of their lives. Queer Homemaking turns invisibilized forms of labor - domestic, social, spiritual - into visible ones while challenging the concept of home beyond a physical place with four walls. This practice ignites my curiosity about how, where, and why we create home; places for gathering, connection, revolution, and belonging. From inside the house, to out in the world, from cooking to political organizing, Queer Homemaking is a philosophy and way of life that centers our ancestral linages, relational connections and the space in which they are built, nurtured, and sustained, and how new possibilities of a softer existence are born.
You created a content series where you take viewers along your journey of living a “Romantic, Rich, Embodied Life.” Can you talk about what living a rich and embodied life means to you? What are ways that we can indulge in this way of life?
I am continually inspired by Audre Lorde’s piece “Uses of the Erotic” where she writes:
“The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves.”
My series, “Romantic, Rich, Embodied Life,” was inspired by crafting, framing, and living my life in a way that honors The Erotic. To me, living a romantic, rich, and embodied life is a philosophy rooted in presence, feeling, and connection. It’s romanticizing our lives in a way that allows us to feel the depth and richness of what is happening in our daily lives - the sun on our skin, warm water on our hands as we wash dishes, delicious decadent food, and laughter with friends.
It’s a way of feeling into our daily lives and being present with the beauty and abundance that already exists. It’s cultivating romance in one’s life within friendships, daily routines, time alone, and the ways we experience the world around us.
When I say “Rich,” I’m thinking full fat, decadent, and deep. It’s the quality and depth to which we experience our lives and surroundings. Being embodied is being present in our bodies enough to be able to feel the quality and depth of our feelings, relationships, and surroundings.
Some of the ways I like to indulge in this way of life are eating the foods my body craves - what I’m hungry for and desire to eat and being present in the experience of the eating - the texture, sound, smell, temperature, etc. Another way I love to indulge in this way of life is through listening to music and creating a soundscore as I’m going about my day - walking through the grocery store, around the neighborhood, or taking the scenic way home. This leads me to… Take the scenic route! Buy yourself flowers! Eat whatever you want! Romantic, rich, embodied life is NOT RUSHED, it is the opposite of hustle culture. It is slowing down, luxuriating, and feeling into every corner of our being and our life.
This way of living does require us to be present in our feelings and desires, which, to me, requires a level of embodiment. However, in order to feel to the depth of our capacity, love big, and experience joy/eurphoria/pleasure, we also must face the uncomfortable, challenging, and often painful experiences as well. To feel in our fullness means feeling everything.
You’ve been transparent about the grief journey you’ve been on over this last year — losing a beloved aunt and separating from your long-term partner. What has been your medicine during this time of grief? What have you learned about grief and loss that you weren’t aware of before?
During this time of grief, my medicine has been my altar (setting it, tending to it, praying at it), my friends, my doggies, my home/bedroom/bed, my dopamine walks, moving my pelvis, crying, cleaning, and staying connected to the the seasons.
As a scorpio, I am well-versed in the death/life/rebirth cycle and theoretically, I understand “to everything there is a season.” However, in practice, I am always a bit shaken and thrown off my center when I am reminded that we as humans are simultaneously incredibly powerful and also completely powerless. I am reminded of the myth of certainty and am in a constant practice of letting go.
I am saying “no” a lot more, doing less, putting my phone on DND, and spending lots of time alone. I am spending quality time with friends and cooking lots of food. I am allowing myself to be cared for.
I am meditating on the ways death/life/rebirth are in a constant dance - forever informing and inspiring each other; how grief is the price of love; how grief is a portal; and as my housemate always says, “time is alchemy.”
Tell us more about your dance practice. I remember the first time I saw you dance where you had posted your choreography to “Good Luck Babe” by Chappel Roan and as a fellow dancer, I was like, okay Aiano is dope as fuck. What does your movement practice look like? Are you working on anything exciting?
I had so much fun making, teaching and dancing that combo. I love teaching. I don’t do it as often anymore, but when I do, it’s all about having fun and feeling good in one’s body. Currently, my dance practice is really small. I have a space in my bedroom where I can lay on the floor and move around. I’ve been really into moving my pelvis and I’ve also been loving going on walks.
My two housemates and I are in a creative practice where we workshop and make solos just to make solos. It’s nice to have a low-pressure creative outlet. And then one of my housemates and I premiered a duet this past November in San Francisco called “Rage Room.” It was a performance, lecture, meditation, and spell about femme rage. We’re taking it on tour up to Portland this fall, so we’re heading back into rehearsals to revamp for the next show! I love being in a creative process with friends - it’s very fun, healing, and cathartic.
I love watching your content about being a Fancy Auntie — as a fellow Fancy Auntie myself, watching the world through a young person’s eyes is altogether beautiful, healing, and humbling (lol!). What’s your favorite part about a Fancy Auntie?
Fancy Auntie is a mindset and a lifestyle. From the outside, Fancy Auntie can look like “basic” femme rituals of bonding. Including manicures, shopping, eating sushi, drinking boba, etc. but if you look a bit closer, Fancy Auntie is rooted in something much deeper.
Fancy Auntie is inner child healing. My niece and I share a deep appreciation of food and love dining out together, which is something I deeeeeply enjoyed with my fancy aunties growing up. My food intake was heavily policed as a child so now, with me, there is no “good food” or “bad food,” and there is absolutely no food shaming. Telling the children in my life, “order whatever you want” is deeply healing for me and supports their curiosity, love, and sense of adventure with food. It also provides an opportunity for them to connect to their body and intuition to sense what they want to eat.
Being Fancy Auntie is an opportunity for “femmeducation.” All of the children in my life get a “femmeducation,” no matter their gender. They learn about Dolly Parton, Shania Twain, The Cheetah Girls, and accessorizing. We talk about crushes, hobbies, and fashion. We practice the art of self-adornment, self-expression, and listening to one’s intuition.
One of my favorite poets, June Jordan, once wrote, “Children are the way the world beings over and over again.” With “everything happening in the world,” I understand why many people are choosing not to have children. But I want to differentiate that just because you do not birth or are genetically connected to a child, does not mean you don’t have a role or purpose in a child’s life. bell hooks touches on this idea in “All About Love” when she writes, “In a loving household where there are several parental caregivers, when a child feels one parent is being unjust that child can appeal to another adult for mediation, understanding, or support. We live in a society where there are a growing number of single parents… But the individual parent can always choose a friend to be another parenting figure, however limited their interaction.” My role as a fancy auntie does not come with the same boundaries and responsibilities as a “bottom line” parent. Do I still have boundaries to keep us safe? Of course. But I can say yes to boba and not have to deal with the repercussions of a sugar crash. Also yes Fancy Auntie is a trusted adult in their niblings' lives and is an important member of a child’s council.
Let’s say you’re hosting friends over for a cozy and intimate dinner party. What are you making for them?
Ribeye steak with chimichurri, mashed potatoes, charred brocollini, and an arugula salad with a red wine vinaigrette.
What is something you’re looking forward to this Spring?
I’m looking forward to longer days, colorful flowers, and spring produce from the farmer’s market.
What are you a big fan of right now?
Saying no, not making plans, 10 min tidy, Shrek-green tapered candles, tulips, and uni.
What’s your perfect recipe for a cozy night in?
Spaghetti and Meatballs with garlic bread.
Aiano’s Meatball Recipe (+ a Great Tomato Sauce Rec)
TOMATO SAUCE
Recipe by Molly Baz for Bon Appetit
Aiano likes to use the tomato sauce recipe, written by Molly Baz for Bon Appetit that’s linked above! Feel free to use this tomato sauce for a spaghetti and meatballs a la Aiano, or use a red sauce recipe of your own.
MEATBALLS
Recipe by Aiano Nakagawa
Ingredients:
3/4 lbs ground beef, preferably 80/20
1/2 lbs pork sausage
1/4 cup parsley, chopped
1/2 - 1 onion, diced
1/4 cup panko
About 2 Tablespoons milk
Garlic, crushed
Salt, to taste
Pepper, to taste
1 Egg, beaten
Grated Parmesan, as needed
Basil, chopped, to taste
Step 1:
Add panko to a small bowl and pour the milk over it. We’re just trying to hydrate the bread crumbs, not drown them. We’re going for soggy.
Step 2:
Saute onions and garlic in olive oil until translucent and a little brown. Set to the side to cool while you do the next step.
Step 3:
In a large mixing bowl, add ground beef, pork sausage, parsley, basil, egg, parmesan, salt, and pepper. Add the milk-soaked panko and cooled onions. The onions need to be cooled, or they will cook the egg. Mix everything together.
Step 4:
TASTE! To taste the flavor before I commit to forming the balls, I take a little taste test size bit of the mixture out and heat it in the microwave. If you don’t have a microwave, you can cook it in the same pan as the onions. Once heated, taste it and adjust as needed.
Step 5:
Form balls and brown them in the pan you sautéed the onions in. We don’t need to cook them all the way through in this step. They will cook fully in the sauce. Right now, we want to brown the meatballs. This browning is where the flavor is at! Once browned, transfer the meatballs to the sauce.
Step 6:
Once all the meatballs have been browned and are in the sauce, cover the pot and let it simmer for at least 30 min. I usually like to leave it on low for a couple of hours. It really helps develop the flavor!
Step 7:
Serve on pasta!
You can follow Aiano’s beautiful words, recipes, Rich Auntie excursions, and more on Tiktok at @queer_homemaking.
 | A guest post by
|
Soooo inspiring & well written Sydney! ❤️👏🏻
I loved reading this!